Dire News

Tag: tp

Pulp Friction

by on Jun.09, 2015, under Consumer, Health, Recreation

A 19-year-old is missing from his camp site at the lookout in Heaton State Forest, which borders the Watagans National Park in Australia. The man, whose name has not been released, is from from Tenambit near Maitland. camper_missing He was last seen carrying a roll of toilet paper. kid_wrap While some searchers think he may have slipped and fallen, we wonder if there's not a more sinister explanation. tp_scott Toilet paper can humiliate and cause extreme pain. It's been alleged to be responsible for bullying and emotional distress. crybaby - 2 crybaby -3 crybaby - 4 crybaby - 5 crybaby - 6 crybaby - 7 crybaby - 8 crybaby - 9 If you go camping, protect yourself by using safe toilet paper.
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Cottonelle Is Gentle On Your Butt

by on Oct.19, 2010, under Consumer, Recreation, Weapons

Dear Cottonelle,
I wanted to write to tell you how versatile your product is.  I use it regularly in a variety of different ways.
I've had occasion to poke my rod into some pretty filthy holes, and after thrusting it in and out, in and out, it can pick up some nasty residue.  Cottonelle is great for wiping off my rod after a hard session like that, and a serious relief from the wire brush I frequently use.
Cottonelle is also great for rubbing my barrel.  I like to apply a light coat of oil and then stroke it up and down until it glistens.  Your nice gentle product doesn't scratch like some of your competitors, and feels nice and soft as I brush it softly along the surface and rub until I'm satisfied with the finish.
No account of how great this product is would be complete without mentioning how great is is for wiping my butt.  When I've been shooting it all day, it's not just the barrel that takes abuse.  The butt gets pretty dirty too.  So it's good to keep cottonelle handy to wipe off the brown stuff that seems to stick to the butt.  It does a wonderful job cleaning my butt without tearing or leaving excessive fibers behind.
Thanks for making such a wonderful product. Whether you're polishing a shaft or wiping a butt, Cottonelle should be part of your kit.
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