Dire News

Tag: Toys

Kids Under Control

by on Aug.28, 2013, under Consumer, Family, Kids, Parenting, Toys

Since we originally wrote about a new system for restraining kids, there have been some delightful new developments in kid immobilization technology. securechild While the design worked well for the purpose, some kids found it to be a bit scary. So we're happy to see that market forces have responded with child-friendly innovations. control_toys2 Introducing Control Toys, which appeal to kids while providing relief to tired parents. control_toys1 For mealtime relief, we have the Baby Trap Chair. No more fussing or fidgeting at dinner. baby_trap_chair And what do you do between meals? Let 'em snack right in their own crib. crib_dribbler If your kid is too old for a crib, there's a Control Toy solution for toddlers too. funny_cage If you want to restrict your kid's range, but not give him an early taste of the juvenile justice system, there's a free range option. happy_heavy_ball Finally, for the ultimate in parental relief while letting your kids make a fashion statement, try this new jacket. lovely_straight_hacket It's a unisex product and is fashionable for both boys and girls. lovely_straight_unisex Next time you need to restrain the kids, make it fun with Control Toys.
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Legocy of Pain

by on Sep.23, 2012, under Consumer, Education, Family, Games, Health, Kids, Parenting, Recreation, Toys, Weapons

As toy sales decline, sale of Legos is still increasing. Originally available in sets of colorful interlocking blocks, there are all kinds of pieces available, from wheels and axles to skeletons, dragon fire and weapons. In Michael Chabon's recent book, Manhood for Amateurs: The Pleasures and Regrets of a Husband, Father, and Son, he rails against “the authoritarian nature of the new Lego” and its “provided solution.” The rigid instructions provided in the sets discourage the construction of random creations that stimulate the imagination.

We believe there's an even more compelling problem

It used to be that you could live your entire ten-year life without a single Lego misfortune.

Since the proliferation of so many specialized parts, there have been more Lego-related mishaps.

A fourth grader from New York was nearly suspended for bringing a replica firearm to school.

Nine-year-old Patrick Timoney was at South Beach School PS52 playing Legos with his friends during lunch period when the principal brought him into her office. She told him that the gun violated the school's no tolerance for toy guns policy and recommended suspension. Fortunately, principal Evelyn Matroianni was able to retrieve the weapon and disarm Patrick without any further injury.

Isaak Lasson's Lego set was incomplete, with a piece missing for years. He didn't really think about it, because he had other problems. At six years old, Isaak had experienced awful sinus problems since he was three. "I felt so bad," said Craig Lasson, Issak's father. "He was sleeping with his mouth open, trying to breathe."

Numerous visits to the doctor over the next three years failed to lead to a solution. But finally, an observant doctor noticed something strange: Isaak seemed to have a foreign body up his nose. The doctor asked him what it might be.

"I put some spaghetti up there, but that was a long time ago," Isaak told the doctor.

What they found was a ball of fungus with a foreign body inside. It turned out to be a Lego tire.

"I asked him, ‘Dude, how did that even get in there?'" Lasson said. "We think he bent it in half — it's pretty flexible — and that it opened up once it got into his sinuses."

Lasson said since the doctor appointment a week and a half ago, Isaak's appetite has improved, he has more energy and is sleeping soundly.

And Isaak's Lego set is complete once again.

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Full Body Workout

by on Aug.22, 2011, under Culture, Family, Health, History, Recreation, Technology, Toys

When it comes to sex toys, it seems like they're all designed to please women. The range of toys available covers all of the woman's erogenous zones.

Like the finger. It's got your Spiderman fetish covered too.

Serving suggestion

This inequality between the sexes isn't recent.

It's gone on for at least 30,000 years.

30,000 year old siltstone phallus / firestarter

But thanks to our clever friends in Japan, here's an invention for women that men will like too. Finally, some progress for men on the road to sexual equality.

Just slip the Facial Lift At Once into your mouth once a day for three minutes and you will feel the electric buzzing work on your cheeks, chin, lips, mouth and even nose. The pulsing will come in four different levels of strength and in a complete 360-degree spread, pushing and working on your facial muscles little by little every time.

Not only will this give your face a boost "at once", exercise and training couldn't be easier than with this gadget. All you do is put on the mouth cover, pop it in your mouth and it does the hard work for you! If only running a marathon could be as easy!

The Facial Lift At Once features:
  • Size: 7 x 7.5cm (2.8 x 3")
  • Materials: ABS, elastomer
  • Power: AAA batteries x2
  • Automatic 3-minute timer
  • 4 levels of strength at random
  • Use only in mouth
  • Do not place between teeth
  • Note this product is not waterproof
  • Manual: Japanese (but self-explanatory)
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