Dire News

Tag: sex

How to Use a Fork

by on Sep.07, 2014, under Health, Recreation

Life in Canberra, Australia sounds like it can be pretty interesting. can_bird If you live long enough, you might not have the same sense of excitement that you did when you were younger. can_wombat You might be inclined to try things that hadn't crossed your mind before. kanga_rut4 Coming to that place where the road runs off in two different directions, a 70 year old resident decided to try something out of the ordinary to achieve sexual gratification. After regretting it for 12 hours, the man finally went to the emergency department. can_fork He told doctors he had inserted the 10cm dinner fork into his urethra almost 12 hours earlier in an attempt to achieve sexual gratification. But the utensil became stuck. The fork was not visible but doctors were able to feel it from the outside and X-rays showed its position. Doctors considered several retrieval options before deciding to pull the fork free using forceps and copious lubrication while the patient was under a general anesthetic. The elderly patient was then sent home. It is not known whether he still has a complete set of dinnerware.  
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What Boys Like

by on Sep.28, 2013, under Animals, Culture, Education, Family, Food, Health, Kids, Nature, Parenting, Recreation

We think the Sex and Affection comic does a good job explaining milestones of child development, and it would be a great opportunity for a bonding experience with your kids when you read it to them at bedtime. But we thought we could give you the same information without the explicit drawings and uncomfortable language. blc01 As boys grow, they show interest in the things close to them. From toddler to teen, a boy is all about his cock. blc02 As they grow up there might be some friendly "competition". D2D_Day1_Dairy Or just plain showing off. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA With some it's a passion. blc05 For others it's a fashion statement. County Fairs The pride is always evident. blc07 Then there's an intermediate stage where the boys learn new tricks. choke They grow older and broaden their horizons. They usually take on an entirely new interest. bc01 It becomes the focus of their attention. bc02 Most of the time. blc08 And that's okay too. Be proud of who you are. blc09 Most of the time. blc10
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Keeping it Real

by on Sep.22, 2012, under Culture, Family, Health, Recreation, Religion, Technology

Whether for job interviews, professional advancement, or your wedding night, there are a lot of situations where an intact hymen can come in handy. But how will they know? These anatomically expressive medical diagrams explain. On the rare chance that you actually have an intact hymen, you're still not out of the woods. Depending on your own anatomical peculiarities, you fall into one of these three classes.
Fraud-proof hymen - halat hymen 
  • has sieve openings or a partitioned opening,
  • and if found on medical examination is an indisputable proof of virginity.
  • Like any other type of hymen the halat hymen can be torn with a finger, object, and penis.
  • Tearing the halat hymen with a penis ends virginity.
  • Tearing the halat hymen with a finger or an object does not end virginity but deprives the virgin  of her indisputable proof of virginity.

Typical  elastic hymen
  • can be stretched with fingers(s), object(s), and penis(es) and regains its original shape sooner or later.
  • Stretching the elastic hymen with a finger or an object does not end virginity.
  • Stretching the elastic hymen with a penis ends virginity.
  • Because the elastic hymen regains it shape sooner or later after stretching(s) the regular medical examination results are inconclusive. Some specialized testing techniques are available.

Typical tornable / stretchable hymens
  • can be torn with finger(s), object(s), and penis(es)
  • and if torn they remain torn and present notches  / clefts
  • or they heal with scars hardly detectable without specialist testing techniques.
If you really want that job, how can you convince them that your hymen has remained intact despite riding a boy's bike, as you explained to your parents, when you were younger?
Yes, you can restore the appearance of virginity and intact maidenhood with this wonderful product as seen on TV! Originally from Japan in 1993, they were designed for women who wanted to recreate the fantasy of sex with a virgin for their partner.
They're now produced in other countries as well, including the U.S. and China. Recently, imports of this product have been banned in some Middle Eastern countries, where "virginity fraud" has lead to "honor killings".
Once the artificial hymen is inserted carefully into the vagina, it will expand a little and make the vagina feel tighter. When you begin sexual intercourse and your lover penetrates you, the artificial hymen will begin to ooze out a red liquid that looks like blood, not too much, but just the right amount. This will simulate the defloration of a virgin and stain the bed sheets with a few drops of simulated blood. By adding in a a few moans and groans, you will undetectably recreate the fantasy of making love to a virgin.
There are two per package, so you can play with yourself first for practice.
Then you can clean up.
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Flipside of Kama Sutra

by on Sep.08, 2011, under Art, Culture, Education, Family, Health, Nature, Pornography, Recreation

The Kama Sutra is the world's oldest book on the pleasures of sex. More than a mere listing of contortionist sexual positions, the Kama Sutra provides a comprehensive manual of living a pleasant life. The basic tenet of the Kama Sutra is that in order for marriages to be happy, both man and woman should be well-versed in the arts of pleasure, both carnal and cerebral. Originally written in Sanskrit, it's been translated into many languages.

But man isn't just a sexual being. There are so many other aspects of our life that could be more pleasurable. Everyone poops. We spend the first couple years of our lives learning to poop, and then spend many hours the rest of our lives actually doing it. Shouldn't we be able to enjoy it?

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A Family Affair

by on Sep.04, 2011, under Crime, Family, Kids, Parenting, Recreation

When you find someone incredibly attractive and irresistible, you might not care what society or your family thinks. Blood may be thicker than water, but you can always thin it out with alcohol. Richard Finlayson, 21, and his sister Kirsty, 18, accompanied by an unidentified 11 year old boy were at Motherwell Station in Lanarkshire, Scotland when they spotted the perfect location for a romantic tryst.

Caught by a surveillance camera, the love-stricken pair abandoned the 11 year old boy on the platform and went into the elevator to enjoy intimate relations, all recorded by the camera in the elevator. The clip shows them exiting the elevator, then re-entering a short time later to do another take in case the first one wasn't properly recorded.

The attractive couple

As they left the second time Richard gave Kirsty a £20 note. The inseparable siblings were later arrested by police after a railway worker at Motherwell Station raised the alarm. Last night a family friend said the revelations had left the pair's family "destroyed". The court was told Kirsty Finlayson had admitted the sordid act to police. But she denied she'd had sex for cash— while Richard said he gave her the £20 "as a brother, not for payment".  
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Officer Unloads His Weapon While On Duty

by on Aug.31, 2011, under Crime, Weapons

Police all over the country hate the stereotype of cops always taking a break for doughnuts. It's not doughnuts that this New Mexico officer is feeding a "suspect" while on duty. The extra-duty activity was caught by a hidden camera set up by the New Mexico police to monitor vandalism nearby. It was also witnessed by the chihuahua, seen circling around the couple. The two images, taken at Santa Fe Canyon ranch were released by the Santa Fe County Sheriff's Office. You can see that he has his uniform and utility belt on, but it appears that his weapon is unholstered. The photos were released after a Freedom of Information Act request, but the state police have so far refused comment.
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