Dire News

Tag: mother

First Encounter

by on Feb.09, 2011, under Culture, Family, Health, Kids, Parenting

If you grew up a science fiction fan, you probably know the difference between a friendly and unfriendly alien. If you identified the above alien as "unfriendly" you're correct. There are lots of clues. This is a friendly alien. You can tell by the large head, limited vocalization ability, and the peace sign gesture he's making with his hand. Some people don't have a great understanding of space and let their fears rule their emotions. When Sonal first saw her newborn son, her body went limp and she fainted in shock. She now refuses to name him, look at him, speak to him, or even nurse him. At the moment, he is being spoon-fed another woman’s breast milk because Sonal refuses to allow him within a foot of her. “The head swells like a balloon because of water accumulation inside the brain, and hence the baby looks abnormal,” said Dr. Hiren Thumer. “Generally, these types of births occur in one in a hundred thousand deliveries.” The boy unfortunately is at great risk of death, especially within the first six months. Hiren explained that this can be avoided with brain surgery. Since his family has rejected him, surgery is unlikely unless a rich benefactor takes an interest in the boy.
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Halloween Carving

by on Nov.07, 2010, under Culture, Family, Kids, Parenting, Weapons

Halloween is almost a religious experience for some kids. You get free candy, and you can dress up as anything you want. The choices are endless. A kid could move around discreetly dressed as a traffic barrel. Or portray their favorite movie heroes. A very creative kid could wear a costume within a costume. Here's one portraying batdog. Kids may start trick-or-treating early. You know the parents are "holding" the candy for them.

Not a costume

Halloween costumes are very gender specific. Girls still want to be witches and princesses, while boys like darker characters. But not one 12-year-old from Surprise, Arizona.  He wanted to trick-or-treat as a "gay Justin Bieber". His mother thought his redundant use of the term "gay" was disrespectful of the former Youtube sensation.

Gay Justin Bieber

His mother grounded him Halloween night after an argument, according to police spokesman Sgt. Mark Ortega. He became belligerent after being grounded from trick-or-treating, grabbed a knife from his room, and threatened to kill her. She was able to disarm him without injury. The 12-year-old was arrested on suspicion of threatening with a knife. http://www.azcentral.com/community/surprise/articles/2010/11/04/20101104justin-bieber-costume-ban-knife-threat-arizona-abrk.html
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Things a 10 year old finds funny

by on Aug.15, 2010, under Family, Kids

All names of real people outside the context of a joke have been changed.

A few days ago, my friend Sonya repeated a joke that her 10 year old nephew Andy heard from another kid. Knock knock. Who's there? I don't remember the rest of the joke but your mother's a whore. Naturally I wanted to hear the entire joke; I never get tired of jokes about my mother.  So I did extensive research by typing something on google, and then after looking at all the pictures I did a search on "your mother's a whore" jokes.  And I found recurring references to one joke attributed to Sean Connery. What's the difference between a duck and a mallard with a cold? What? One's a sick duck, I can't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore. When Sean Connery said this, he was being played by Darrel Hammond in a Saturday Night Live Celebrity Jeopardy sketch. Will Farrell played Alex Trebek. If you hear it with Sean Connery's Scottish accent, it's a pretty funny joke.

Right: Sean Connery Left: Your mom

Boys that age don't always know why they laugh at a joke.  They feel compelled if it's supposed to be dirty.  And some words always elicit a laugh, no matter what.  Like wiener. And cock. And boobies.

And prick.  Like, the stupid prick pierced his wiener with a sharp needle.

I couldn't find any family-friendly images for "dyke".  Damn.

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