Dire News

Tag: ass

Rules of the Road for Hitchhikers

by on Sep.04, 2016, under Family, Kids, Parenting

We've always known about the dangers of picking up hitchhikers. And if you do, there are certain responsibilities the hitchhiker has too: gga And keeping the seat clean. too_late_pee
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Deliveries in Rear

by on Jun.07, 2011, under Health, Miscellaneous

The human rectum is like a magnet, attracting all kinds of objects, and fostering stories and legends. There are only so many things you can sit on accidentally before you need a more interesting explanation. You put down your coke, took off your pants, and sat down, forgetting that the bottle was there. It's a good thing you lubed it up before you put it down. You lost your keys and needed some light to see if they were up there. Yes, there they are! Along with your cellphone. And your best friend's fraternity ring. Of course sometimes there's a legitimate medical reason. Or a genuine accident.

And that's what happened to Steven McCormack, a truck driver from New Zealand.

Steven McCormack was standing on his truck's foot plate Saturday when he slipped and fell, breaking a compressed air hose off an air reservoir that powered the truck's brakes.

The nozzle pierced his left buttock and air rushed into his body at 100 pounds per square inch.

His boss, Robbie Petersen, witnessed the accident. "His body started to literally blow up and before we knew it, his face went up like a balloon."

As the air pumped and McCormack began to scream, co-workers struggled to pull him off of the nozzle. They managed to stop the air supply and roll him on his side.

Paramedics arrived an hour later and tried to insert a needle for a morphine drip. The pressure from the air inside McCormack pushed the needle out. "It was like putting a needle into a piece of rock," said Petersen. They were also unable to give him air through a tube in his nostrils. Doctors said the air filled his abdomen and chest, as well as the space around his heart, lungs, and even behind his eyelids. The air separated his fat from his muscles and compressed his heart. After being rushed to the hospital, a team of doctors put a hose through his ribs to get air to his lungs. Though doctors were able to get fluid out of him, the air had to come out the natural way, resulting in an impressive display of flatulence. It took McCormack three days to go back to his normal size and he was released from the hospital on Wednesday to continue releasing gas at home.
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Specialized Hair Salon

by on Jul.06, 2010, under Miscellaneous

Let's hope they don't do extensions.
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