Dire News


Monster Truck Pull

by on Sep.15, 2012, under Health, Kids, Parenting, Recreation, Toys

When Easton Jarrett came home from his first day at school in first grade, he had his first baby tooth ready to come out. If he could read at first grade level and has kept up with this blog, he would have seen a variety of methods to take out a tooth.

But Easton had an idea of his own. He thought of his radio controlled mini monster truck. He had his parents tie dental floss around the loose tooth and then around the back of the monster truck.

Spoiler alert: Skip down to the video if you want to see it without knowing how it ends.

Easton accelerates the RC truck, and it rolls away, pulling his tooth behind.

“It’s kind of bleeding.” said Easton as he recovered his tooth.

We recommend he keep his batteries charged. There are still a few laps to go.

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A Visit With Gamma

by on May.28, 2012, under Culture, Education, Family, Health, Kids, Toys, War and Terrorism, Weapons

We live in turbulent times, and some parents won’t hesitate to take every step possible to keep their kids safe.

You’ve probably already accounted for the common threats and have your kids packing gas masks, but are they prepared for the nuclear threat?

Geiger counters for kids were just toys, and didn’t offer any serious protection.

And your kids wouldn’t want to wear them because they’re not as fashionable as an iPod. Radiation level readings were very subjective so your kids wouldn’t know whether run home or duck and cover.

If you really hate your kids you can give them a sense of security without a big investment. In the event of a real nuclear disaster they won’t be around to get their revenge anyway.

Bell Products "Atomic Geiger Counter"

Now you can keep your kids safe and fashionable! With the new Personal Radiation Monitoring System, called Peramos, was designed for children and is simple to use.

The LED lights on the counter will give quick alerts: green for normal, yellow for attention, orange for warning, and red for danger. The alert sounds for each stage are different too, meaning you can leave the counter to one side while the kids play, knowing that if gamma radiation levels change drastically they will hear it straightaway. With full battery power it can also be used continuously for around 18 hours.

Some final advice to help save lives in case of nuclear attack:

A thick lead shield between your child and the radiation will help to minimize side effects.

Note: Children should not be exposed to lead.

Don’t get your emergency supplies at the Target store at Broadway and Main.

The Peramos measures radiation ranging from 0.05-9.99 microsieverts, requires 2 AAA batteries, and comes with instructions in Japanese. Under $ 400.


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The Rise Of The Machines

by on Jan.29, 2012, under Consumer, Food, History, Technology, Toys

From ancient Greece, when Hero invented a machine to vend holy water in Egyptian temples, to the first English machines that sold postcards and books, and the first vending machines in the United States that dispensed gum, modern automated vendors sell almost any consumer product.

People embraced the idea of cheap, fast transactions that eliminated the need for clerks, cashiers, and lines. Merchants love them because they can make money 24 hours a day. Sometimes it seems like you can hardly look around in public without seeing one.

You can buy all kinds of food well beyond what the candy, snack, and soft drink vendors have to offer. For a hot meal on the go, there’s made on site, fresh baked pizza.

If you want to cook your own, but just need a few fresh ingredients, you can buy fresh eggs from a nearby farm.

You can even pretend you’ve spent a day on the water, and fish for your dinner.

If it’s not food you’re looking for, maybe its entertainment. You can buy music by the song.

You can buy music in volume.

If you’re underdressed, there are machines that sell shoes, socks, board shorts, and jeans.

There are even vending machines for very specific requirements — like the one that sells used girls’ panties in Japan.

The machines, and what they contain, keep getting bigger and bigger.

But nothing else reaches the scale of this new automated product delivery system.

Located in Wolfsburg, Germany, these 200 foot tall glass towers contain the merchandise. Each one holds up to 400 items. Every slot is big enough for a car.

That’s what Volkswagen stocks them with. Every day, around 600 people come by to pay for their purchase and get a new car.

The cars are built at an adjacent plant, and transported by conveyer belt to the base of a tower, where they are lifted into position at around 6 feet a second by a robotic arm.

After you’ve inserted the proper coins, you can watch your car be picked from its slot, and rolled along a track to the Autostadt Customer Center.

When cigarette and beer vending machines were more popular, it was hard to prevent underage people from taking advantage. Wc wonder how Volkswagen will solve the problem when their car vending machines are more widespread.

And what if you don’t have the right currency?

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Pulling Teeth

by on Dec.23, 2011, under Health, Kids, Toys

Remember when you were very young and had a loose tooth? You might mess with it for days, wiggling and twisting it until it came out. Or you might have taken a more direct approach.

You can tie a string to it and attach it to a doorknob. Then when someone opens the door…

You can play hockey.

You can lose it in a sword fight.

But if you’re really badass, you take matters into your own hands.

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Overdraw Penalty

by on Dec.19, 2011, under Education, Health, Toys, Weapons

Like any sport involving weapons, you need to take extra care when shooting a bow and arrow. One common cause of accidents is using an arrow that’s too short, causing the shooter to overdraw.

Overdraw causes the arrow to fall off the rest.

Once off the rest, the arrow could be pointing anywhere.

Most likely it will be pointing towards the hand holding the bow.

If you’re especially good, you might get two for one.

Also be sure to check the shaft. If the shaft breaks while you’re shooting the arrow…

 … it can cause substantial discomfort.

If you use arrows with carbon fiber shafts, they have an added benefit of splintering, so you get extra needles piercing your hand.

To avoid accidents, inspect your equipment regularly. Feel along the shaft, moving your fingers up and down to make sure it’s straight, rigid, and smooth. If it’s not ready to shoot, keep it in the quiver.

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Toy Story

by on Nov.05, 2011, under Consumer, Culture, Family, Food, Health, Kids, Toys

You can find some pretty bizarre toys for kids in the U.S., from the Avenging Unicorn

to the “Baby Shower”.

But one of the most interesting toys comes from northern Kazakhstan.

Наши дети играют «выкидышами»! С таким абсурдным заявлением в нашу газету обратилась жительница Уральска Елена Кандрашова. Однако слова оказались абсурдными только на первый взгляд. Когда женщина достала из сумочки небольшую прозрачную баночку, сразу предупредила: у нормального человека от этого зрелища могут волосы зашевелиться. 

The novelties appear to imitate an abortion or miscarriage, an Interfax report said: “A plastic keg-shaped box contains a human embryo in red liquid. If the cover of the container opens, the embryo falls out together with sticky mucus.”
“When my nine-year-old daughter brought the toy home, I was shocked,” Interfax quoted an outraged parent as saying.
The toys are reported to be on sale at markets and toy stores across Kostanay at a cost of 60-100 tenge (around 40-75 cents).
It sounds like something most boys would love to find in their Happy Meal.
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